... and then I go to sleep, and then I wake up the next morning in time for aerobics, and feel incrementally better, as I have each morning since the party. Just the previous weekend, after all, I visited several old friends around San Francisco and felt perfectly at ease with everyone; it was so good to see them. I trust in their happiness at seeing me also.

I think what got me so down was the confluence of: beginning to let go of a certain idea that I'd had for awhile; shooting off my mouth a bit too stream-of-unconscious (cf. tired = drunk) and accidentally hurting the feelings of a cool person I'd just met, and realizing later I might have been completely wrong in my thinking/speaking on top of that; conversing with a different person who piqued my curiosity with his self-described obnoxious attitude that made me laugh, in between what seemed to be friendly conversation, until I must have annoyed him enough by not taking his obnoxion seriously that he finally found a weak spot (cf. guest that would not leave) and struck unexpectedly; and feeling myself to be so different from most of the other party guests (at least those left after sundown) that a great sense of existential loneliness took root and grew from there, fed by my lack of proper sleep, all those emotions growing together into a great jungle tree.

but it's kind of silly to get all freaked out by a tree. now isn't it.

My interpersonality just works a bit differently than others', that's all. Can't relate to all of the people all of the time, but every now and then, another someone passes close enough to maybe cause some mutually circling orbits, if the speeds aren't too far off. ok, the analogies are getting out of control here, stopping now.

copyright 2003 carrie lynn king.