So, this whole New Jersey governor brouhaha. As I heard or read someone
say last week (NYTimes editorial maybe?), considering all the other stuff
that was about to break over McGreevey, scandal-wise, announcing that he
was gay was about the least damaging thing he could have said. It's
interesting, and encouraging, that the general opinion seems to be "so
he's gay, so what? That's not the issue so much as his appointing his
lover to an important position that he was unqualified for." Which
seems to me to be the correct view.
He may be the first openly gay governor, but I'd bet he's not the first
closet case. We've even probably had a gay president before, did you
know? It isn't made much of because he was also one of our worse
presidents, but as I learned in my nineteenth-century U.S. history in
college, there was some talking at the time about President Buchanan
and his intimate friend Senator King
from Alabama (no relation that I know of).
Dear President Bush,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have
learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many
people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle,
for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it
to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Laws and how to follow them:
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do
I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to
kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of
abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)?
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do
with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
Homer J. Simpson
